Define Charismatic Jalen Rose Kobe Beef

By Bill Simmons
Page 2

Forget about the scoring explosion, the influx of likable young stars, even Kobe'south Tony Montana-like demise in Los Angeles. The most entertaining subplot of the 2004-2005 flavour – at to the lowest degree for me – is a bona fide MVP race. Seriously, when was the last time you argued about a uncomplicated question like "Which NBA role player means the about to his team?"

The concluding memorable MVP debates occurred in 1993 and 1997, when Charles Barkley and Karl Malone won MVP awards thank you to the e'er-indefensible logic, "Nosotros're just tired of voting for Michael Jordan." Simply those were never really debates – truthful basketball fans knew better, and MJ proved them right past pulling a Keyzer Soze on the Suns and Jazz in the '93 and '97 Finals. The last genuine debate happened in 1987 – Magic, Larry or MJ – and to this 24-hour interval, yous could make a case for any of the three. This year? Y'all could brand solid cases for vi guys. But before nosotros get to them, here's a look at some of the players who didn't make the cut (and where they finished in the top 425).

AP

So what if he killed the Pacers -- Ron reached "relieve until I delete" condition on my TiVo.

In contrary order ...

425. Ron Artest
Well, he charged into the stands at Detroit, inadvertently attacked the incorrect culprit, triggered the scariest melee in the history of basketball game, drew the biggest suspension in league history, single-handedly killed the championship hopes of a potential 60-win team, overshadowed Reggie Miller'southward last season and disappointed the Basketball Jesus. That has to make him the NBA LVP (least valuable player) ... narrowly edging Marking Blount and Rick Brunson. On the vivid side, it was the greatest Tv set nighttime in years and gave u.s. Artest'due south famous post-suspension quote, "I'm trying to be positive. I'1000 a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize."

417. Darko Milicic
A quick recap of the 2003 Draft ...

No. 1. – LeBron James
No. 2. – Darko Milicic
No. 3. – Carmelo Anthony
No. 4. – Chris Bosh
No. 5. – Dwyane Wade

(That'southward like reaching into a dark-brown newspaper bag filled with two checks for $100 meg, two checks for $ten million, and a cheque for $10 ... and pulling out the bank check for 10 dollars. Ouch.)

397. Zach Randolph
The dreaded double whammy: He destroyed Portland'due south cap space AND killed its flavour. At least he'south a skillful guy.

375. Adonal Foyle
Plays about 20 minutes a game, gives you 4 points and 5 rebounds a night, blocks 1 or 2 shots ... in other words, he'southward having a typically harmless Adonal Foyle season, only he'south in year one of a $forty 1000000 contract. And then hither's the question: Has Chris Mullin ever come out and explained this? If you were a Warriors fan, wouldn't you desire an answer? This was similar the Korean guy on "Lost" becoming a costless amanuensis and ABC giving him $40 meg to stay on the bear witness through 2010.

340. Vince Carter
Note to Raptors flavour ticket holders: File a grade-activeness suit confronting him. Seriously. Ask for reparations. You bought tickets under the supposition that the Toronto players would give their all-time effort; he signed a contract promising that he would requite his best effort; and after watching his performance in Bailiwick of jersey over the past three months, that clearly wasn't the case. So why not sue him?

(I'll even be a witness for the prosecution: "Yes, I went to a Clippers-Raptors game in early Dec ... no, he didn't seem that interested in the proceedings ... ")

319. Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell (tie)
Trading for an NBA histrion with baggage is like dating a girl with baggage – perhaps you'll be happy for a few months, merely in that location'due south a 95-pct chance it's going to end desperately. (And I hateful, BADLY, as in, "Why does it hurt when I pee?" or "I wonder who left 59 hang-ups on my answering machine?") In Minnesota's case, Spree and Sam helped KG win an MVP and nearly got Minny to the 2005 Finals earlier turning faster than a gallon of milk. Was it worth it? I would say yes. You just have three or four chances to win a championship with a superstar, so you do what y'all demand to do. And if this leads to Spree'south retiring and filming a reality-show on his yacht, perchance information technology was for the best.

278. Jamal Crawford
If the NBA was a roto league, the other owners would have sent Isiah Thomas the "Hey, no offense, simply maybe you should bring a partner next flavor" e-mail by now.

238. Chris Andersen
Hasn't received nearly enough acclaim for what happened since a potentially career-ending Slam Douse Contest – non only is he playing crunch time for the lowly Hornets, he'south fifty-fifty had a few double-doubles. This is like Carl Lewis bouncing dorsum from the National Anthem disaster and singing a well-received duet at the 1993 Grammys with Mary J. Blige. There's actually no precedent.

215. Carlos Boozer
That's what you lot get for screwing over a generous blind guy.

It volition be a night day in Sport Guy World if Paul is always out of the NBA.

200. Paul Shirley
I'chiliad keeping my fingers crossed on this one, simply thanks to his ongoing blog on NBA.com we could finally have an answer to the question, "What would it be like if one our friends was an NBA role player and sent united states due east-mails near his life every few days?"

One mitigating factor: David Stern, who could morph into the warden in Shawshank over this i. I could even see this commutation happening outside the commissioner's office ane night ...

– Stern: "Then you're telling me that you're going to continue doing this blog, and y'all're going to continue to exist as candid as possible?"

– Shirley: "Yessir, that'south all I ever wanted, but give me that take chances."

– Stern (taking 1 last puff from a cigarette): "That's what I idea."

(He puts out his cigarette and walks away, then Shirley is apace gunned down past Dick Bavetta from a fifth-story window.)

181. Baron Davis
Classic Warriors: They scroll the dice on a former All-Star who ends up playing out of his mind, turning the team effectually and screwing up their top-four lottery spot. When next year rolls around, he'll probably blow out his knee earlier Halloween. We need to flake in $5 apiece and buy Warriors fans a new team – they make Clippers fans seem fortunate by comparison.

161. Chris Webber
Would anything be more entertaining than C-Webb's getting injured in the playoffs, followed past a Kings-Sixers Finals and the start-ever Double Ewing Theory? I think almost these things.

150. Andrei Kirilenko
(Shaking caput sadly.)

135. Lamar Odom
Remember the SNL sketch well-nigh the Time-Life series for videos of family dysfunction, when every vignette (Thanksgiving, Easter, altogether, etc.) ended with Will Ferrell suddenly flipping over the dinner table and screaming, "That's information technology, [bleep] this, I'one thousand out of hither!" From January to March, subsequently watching Kobe go i-on-three one besides many times, I kept waiting for Odom to do this – simply flip over the press tabular array and scream, "That's it, [bleep] this, I'chiliad out of hither!" Instead, he went on the DL with a simulated injury. Wise move. I wouldn't want to be his bell right now.

110. Freddie Jones
Survived the random attack from Ben Wallace's blood brother, served equally the go-to guy for the Pacers when half their squad was missing, kept them competitive when everyone thought they were done ... and at present he'south settled into a productive bench office. I'm non proverb that he deserves his own DVD or annihilation, but you have to paw it to him – he wasn't even their 10th man heading into the season.

107. Andre Iguodala
Officially replaced Kirilenko equally "The Guy You Don't Desire Guarding You Under Whatsoever Circumstances." And he's only a rookie. That reminds me, here's another idea for an All-Star Weekend Event: The Miller Lite Kapono-Iguodala Challenge. You have 8 contestants, each of whom has to choose ones of two options:

A. In five minutes, score every bit many baskets as possible against Andre Iguodala.

or ...

B. In 45 seconds, score as many baskets every bit possible against Jason Kapono.

(Which option would they cull? Who would win? See, this is why I should be running All-Star Weekend.)

92. Danny Fortson and Reggie Evans (tie)
Call up my fantasy rule that Antonio Davis and Dale Davis should be combined into 1 roto monster: The Uber-Davis? Nosotros need to do the same thing with Fortson and Evans; as the peachy John Hollinger showtime pointed out, if you combine their per-minute numbers, they would be having like the 12th greatest rebounding season in the history of power forrad. And then let'due south practice make this a rule for next year – I want the chance to select Reganny Fortvans.

69. Bobby Simmons
Eye and soul of a Clippers team that could take won 45-l games had they stayed healthy and/or Elgin Baylor realized you could make trades during the season. When they screw upwards and allow him to sign with a contender this summertime – where he'll thrive, by the manner, because he's a good guy and the ultimate 5th banana – I'm declaring war on Elgin, Donald Sterling and the unabridged Clippers franchise. I'one thousand going to be like Stallone in "Get-go Blood," when he has the pocketknife to Brian Dennehy's pharynx: "You desire a war? I'll give you a war you wouldn't believe."

58. Dwight Howard
Permit's become to Harold Lederman's scorecard for the Okafor-Howard rivalry ...

Oh-KAY, Neb ... I have the offset round scored 10-9 for Howard over Okafor ... he stayed good for you, got better equally the year went along, and lemme tell you lot something, this guy is a specimen! I'one thousand prepared for anything with this guy – 30,000 points, twenty rebounds a game in one flavour, a 40-30 game, you proper name it! I merely don't think Okafor has enough to stay with him! Back to you, Bill!

AP

Kobe the GM gets the anti-Executive of the Twelvemonth award.

42. Kobe Bryant
My buddy House and I had a long statement about this ane yesterday. House argued that, other than Artest, Kobe was the 2005 LVP because he single-handedly destroyed a Lakers dynasty that had 4-5 quality years left. My statement was that Kobe was the worst GM in the league (since nosotros all know that he was the ane making these moves) and deserves the blame for that, not his bodily play. It'south like when Eddie Murphy decided to direct "Harlem Nights," which should have been a funny moving-picture show and ended upwards being the flick that sent his career spiralling into a free autumn. Yous can't penalize Kobe The Player for being screwed over past Kobe The GM. Anyhow, I'm sticking him here because information technology'southward my column. Spiral you lot, House.

35. Ricky Davis
In three months, I went from thinking, "That guy will never, EVER get information technology" to "That guy is the most important player on a potential No. 3 seed." He's been an absolute revelation, especially since the Antoine merchandise – a throwback scorer who gets better when it matters. And he's merely 25. Seriously, look it up. He's two years older than Tony Allen. Of course, that didn't stop ABC's announcers from taking shots at him for the entire Philly game on Dominicus. Some guys only can't win.

30. Jalen Rose
Provided an insane amount of comedy over these past few months, including these classics:

"There's always going to be criticism when your proper name is Jalen. Y'all have to wearable a bulletproof belong and be ready for it."
– Jalen on himself

"Was it for Richard Jefferson?"
– Jalen afterwards hearing that Carter had been traded to New Jersey

"I'm a GM in fantasy basketball and I'm a GM on PlayStation, so on PlayStation I probably would have got a fiddling more, but this is real life, then I don't know."
– Jalen on the Vince Carter trade

"He probably was a fiddling tired from All-Star Weekend. While he was running up and downward the courtroom throwing it off the backboard, I was laying on the embankment drinking a fruity drink with an umbrella. So I probably gave myself an unfair advantage on that i."
– Jalen explaining why he outplayed Carter two days after the All-Star Game

"I've got to finish this. My entourages are getting entourages."
– Jalen on the trouble of finding tickets for everyone when he returns to Detroit

(And my personal favorite ... )

"Like I told the guys earlier, once he turns 21 and is able to potable, it's over."
– Jalen after LeBron scored 56 on the Raptors

25. Manu Ginobili
If I could be any NBA thespian, I would probably choose Manu if it wasn't for the whole "In that location's a 90 per centum gamble my parents would get kidnapped" thing. Instead, I'll choose Mike Miller for the fifth direct yr. I simply want his jump shot for a week.

xx. Mike Bibby
Winner of the "2005 About Overlooked Skilful Player" Award. You lot're just not winning less than thirty games with a good for you Mike Bibby on your squad. It'south not happening.

xv. Ben Wallace
Imagine if he won the MVP, and then Stern had to present him with the trophy: "Ben, absolutely, this wasn't i of your better seasons, but you lot were a key player on the No. 2 seed in the E. More importantly, you lot started the Pacers brawl and kept escalating information technology until someone threw a beer on Ron Artest, leading to the inevitable demise of your biggest rival in the East. Ben Wallace, congratulations on beingness the 2005 MVP!"

12. Grant Colina
Just because.

eleven. Ben Gordon
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

(Wow.)

It took xx years, only we finally found the next Andrew Toney. That "35-point/23-minute/22-signal fourth quarter" game at Charlotte ranks upward in that location with the Sleepy Floyd Game, Tony Delk'south 53-point game and Todd Day'south 29-bespeak half at the FleetCenter as one of the nearly random, incredible performances I've e'er seen. He'south an absolute assassin. Practise you think anyone wants to play the Bulls in the playoffs with this guy? Do yous remember what happened in the Sixers-Celtics serial back in 1982, when a young Toney single-handedly destroyed the defending champs? Exactly. I couldn't be more excited well-nigh him. Everyone keeps trying to effigy out these convoluted reasons for why scoring has jumped then dramatically this flavour, but information technology really comes downwardly to iii things:

A. They don't allow paw-checking anymore.

B. They don't telephone call moving picks anymore. Nobody ever mentions this – why practise you think Nash is an MVP candidate this season?

C. This is a whole other column (and I retrieve I've even written it before), but simply look at the drafts of 1980-1985 (a harvest of All-Stars and Hall of Famers that saved the league), 1986-1994 (a legitimate drought that destroyed the league), 1995-1999 (a temporary boon that saved the league once again), and 2003-2004 (another boon that pushed things to another level). When you blue-chippers continue entering the league, eventually, the product improves. This isn't rocket science. The more Ben Gordons, the better.

Maybe all KG needs is Robin Williams bringing him into his office maxim "It'southward not your fault KG. It's non your fault."

10. Kevin Garnett
I know, I know ... it'southward not his fault. And his genu could be worse than they're letting on. At the same time, if you're an alleged superstar in your prime and your team can't fifty-fifty make the playoffs ... well, did Kareem ever miss the playoffs? Did Larry always miss the playoffs? What about Magic and MJ? Even Karl Malone'southward Utah teams won 50 games every year, correct? If they miss the playoffs, and it turns out KG wasn't hurt, that admittedly changes his legacy and slides him into that Barkley-Iverson-Drexler/Spotty Superstars group. And only a title could pull him out.

(Of grade, if they pass the Grizzlies over the next two weeks, forget I mentioned it. )

9. Jason Kidd
First, they screwed him over by dismantling his team. And then his microfracture surgery didn't totally work out – mayhap he isn't limping around like C-Webb or annihilation, but he looks a step dull for him. Then, he has to rebuild Vince'south conviction and deal with Jefferson's season-ending injury. At ane point, they were 12-24 and headed for the lottery. Three months later on? They're 37-39 and battling for a playoff spot with a team then dreadful Nets fans actually said the words, "Oh my God, Jacque Vaughn is out for the flavour, what are we going to practice?" last week. And J-Kidd keeps chugging forth. Ane of the greats.

8. Reggie Miller
Held the Pacers together subsequently The Melee, turned back the clock for some surreal shooting performances during their electric current (and improbable) playoff charge. In that location wasn't most enough fabricated of the Pacers this season – throw away the whole "Worst melee in the history of American sports" part and their season was more than inspiring than "Brian's Song."

7. Tim Duncan
Just considering he missed 20 games.

6. Steve Nash
Put information technology this style: If Nash won the MVP, it would be ...

A. The first fourth dimension a table-setter won the award.

B. The get-go time a non-franchise player won the award.

C. The get-go time a consummate liability on the defensive terminate won the award.

I know he's been immensely fun to lookout man, and he'south making anybody who always cared about the point guard position proud. Simply an MVP? You're telling me that Bibby or Kidd wouldn't take been but as successful with Stoudemire, Marion, Johnson and Q on their squad? Does anyone else find it depressing that the betoken guard position has fallen so dramatically over the years, it's practically cause for celebration when someone plays it correctly? I have a diversity of methods for determining my MVP choice every year, and hither's ane: "If this were a pickup game, based on how everyone's playing this season, who would get picked starting time?" I don't see Steve Nash going ahead of any of the adjacent five guys. Sorry.

(And while nosotros're on the field of study, the late Ralph Wiley would have brought up the "Would anybody be making this large of a deal about Steve Nash if he were black?" card about three months ago. And had fun with it.)

4. Dwyane Wade and LeBron James (tie)
LeBron carried an awful Cavs team that didn't accept a decent coach, GM, backcourt, outside shooter ... information technology was like watching some of those early on Tom Hanks movies, where you spend most of the time just feeling bad for him that he's non in something better. And other than Iverson and KG, Wade has to exist the fiercest competitor in the league – ane of those guys who never takes a play off, someone who looks physically pained if he misses a game winner, similar his whole week has but been ruined. He genuinely cares about stuff similar, "How am I carrying myself?", "Are my teammates happy?" and "What will my legacy be down the road?" Before the playoffs, y'all can almost motion picture him watching MJ games on ESPN Archetype to get fired up.

(I'm not certain which i of them is better – I'thou merely happy to be having the conversation. And if yous don't think there's some Bird-Magic potential here over the adjacent 10-12 years, you lot're nuts.)

3. Dirk Nowitzki
One of the biggest surprises of the flavor: Dirk Nowitzki developing a nasty streak. Who knew? Has there always been a tougher European player? Really, let's rephrase that – has at that place always been a TOUGH European player? Where did this come up from? Did Cuban hypnotize him into thinking he was playing every Mavs game for the High german national squad? Even when Ashton Kutcher "Punk'd" him last week, yous could tell Dirk wanted to kicking his barrel for a few seconds. Just stunning. Forget almost the scoring explosions, or the fact that he'south having a career year with shuffling coaches, 8 new teammates and no point guards to aid him out. Having a cocky, snarling 7-foot German guy with 25-foot range has to rank among the highlights of the flavour. Who's more fun to root against than Dirk Nowitzki?

(In fact, I'll become this far: Last summer, I wrote that Dallas was crazy for not trying to trade Nowitzki for Shaq, since it would have guaranteed them 2-3 titles and all. Now? I still think they're crazy ... simply not nearly as crazy. If that makes sense.)

2. Allen Iverson
Forget about the twelvemonth he won the MVP – that was a good team with some blue-chippers on it. This year, they threw some other new omnibus at him, half dozen new teammates, stuck him back at point guard ... and he responded by playing 42-45 minutes a night, setting anybody upwardly and throwing his body around like a pro wrestler. By the way, have I mentioned however that his team sucks? I mean, really, REALLY sucks? It was like watching Stephanie persevere with that crummy Ulong Tribe on "Survivor," only for 82 games. Absolutely his finest season.

Do the math, don't do the math -- at that place's no argument either mode. Shaq is your MVP.

(Besides, with the pounding he takes game after game, AI is starting to move into my person pantheon for "Guys I Volition E'er Remember Watching." I mean, this has been going on for like 10 years – he keeps getting knocked down, keeps getting upwardly, keeps ripping teams' hearts out. Throw in his insanely intense interviews and he's a solid No. 2 pick. Plus, he'south the new Clubber Lang – I don't think he's cracked a smile in half dozen years. Whatever time he's existence interviewed by Stephen A. Smith, I always feel similar the earth is about to finish or something.)

1. Shaquille O'Neal
Try to follow this equation:

A. The Lakers won 57 games last year ... they're headed for 35 wins this year.

B. The Heat won 42 games terminal year ... they're headed for 62 wins this year.

I'm no John Hollinger, but even I can add that up: That's a 42-game swing, not to mention the balance of power shifting to the East. And yes, that should take been plenty to win Shaq some other MVP. But this year has been special in the sense that people become him now – he's had a breakout season, but in the personality sense. Now there isn't a more honey, charismatic, entertaining athlete in any sport. When I recall of the 2004-2005 season, I'grand going to call up of Shaq get-go ... and that's the very definition of an MVP. At least to me.

Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page ii and ESPN The Magazine. His Sports Guy'south World site is updated every day Monday through Friday.

leebrokinights.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.espn.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/050408&num=0

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